resolutions.

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As we rang in the New Year and embraced 2013 with open arms, high expectations and the clinking of champagne glasses - we began to focus on those little promises we had made to ourselves. our resolutions.

Some people make resolutions they don't intend to keep - because sometimes after about day four... they lead astray from their list of to-dos. Unlike last year, I'm not letting myself get distracted in 2013... or at least I'll try.

This year, I hope to focus on crossing off the baby steps towards reaching bigger goals and plans. They say that writing goals down helps you stay motivated. A friend recently told me that sharing your goals with others helps you stay on track - because now you've made them public, and the fear of disappointing others or losing face is a pressure that can, at times, be more powerful than the fear of disappointing yourself. So here I am... sharing with you my goals. shit just got real.

step one: take the GRE. That's right folks... the recent graduate is planning on hitting the books again. As I begin preparing for the big test, come April, I'm relearning the importance of time management, focus and patience. Balancing work, life, grad school and the other variables is going to be quite the task. BUT I'm up for the challenge.

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step two: run a 5K (the color run). As my main squeeze begins his paleo-diet and marathon training, I'm thinking it's about time I hit the 'ole treadmill again and get my butt into gear. A simple 5K can't be that bad... I mean... the girl's gotta prepare for that SeaWheeze - a half marathon sponsored by Lululemon. IDK if I can really train in time for that... but you never know... patience and determination may help this sistah-friend work even harder.

step three: explore. My main squeeze and I got to talking and realized that although we lived in the beautiful emerald city for so long (about 5ish years now), I still have yet to venture through all the neighborhoods. As much as I love the iconic Pikes Place and all the pretty lights in downtown... I'm thinking of finally crossing borders and paying the other hipsta places a try. Aside from the UDistrict, which I'm well familiar with during my college years, we'll be trying out eats and drinks in Ballard, Fremont, Wallingford, the East side (Bellevue) and possibly even a little day trip to Bainbridge Island (ferry trip!) or a little wine country in Woodinville. With this step, I hope to feed my innate cravings for adventure.

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So those are steps one through three... we'll start with them and see how that goes. Check-in mid year, perhaps to document progress? I think, YES. Hopefully, I'll have more to cross off than write down!

What are your big goals in 2013? 

What steps are you taking towards reaching them?

Hold on to whatever you find baby,

photo courtesy of Tumblr Photography

Who do you love... me or the thought of me?

Relationship 101 - complimentary of my COM 444 Public Relations and Society professor, Kathleen Fearn-Banks on the last day of class:

• Men are dogs until age 35.
• For those of you who are getting married within the next four years, you will say "I Do" and in the next two or three years will say "I Don't."
• For the mean time, don't waste your time with marriage. Spend your money on yourself - buy a car, a house and until you realize that you would not have to give up anything that you want in your life to be in the relationship, then commit.
• Those of you sitting in my class, you are the type that will not give-in all the time in a relationship, and neither should you settle for a partner who does as well.
• If you do choose to get married anytime soon, and one day you see me walking on the street and you realize that I was correct (which I usually am), then wink at me. For the past ten years that I have given this advice, I have gotten a lot of winks.

KFB, I don't really have much to comment in regards to your love lessons. Your PR and professional advice, however, that I will take with me for the rest of my life.

Honestly, I don't know if I'll marry anytime soon. I might even take your advice (bullet no. 3) to heart. By that time, I'll probably be in my late 40s... but that's another side note. All I know now is that I'm about to enter spring quarter 2011. My last spring quarter of college... that means my last Greek Week (not that I fully partake in the early mornings of drunken debauchery), last Black Diamond Formal, last Greek Preview (i. heart. recruitment.), and soon at the end of this summer, my last recruitment and quarter at the University of Washington. 

Watching the series finale of "Greek" the other night put me in a little reflective mode. Casey Cartwright, former president of her sorority was finally leaving CRUniversity and taking her first steps into the real world. She was letting it all go; moving on. They showed some flashbacks to the first season and a re-cap of all of her relationships - friends, boys, school, sorority and self. As I watched this, I thought about mine. 

My time at UW has been one of the most invaluable experiences. 

Coming from Jesuit High School, a private high school in Portland, OR, I was surrounded by this preppy, protective bubble of conservative ideals and honestly, was such a work-a-holic that I never truly experienced "high school." It was all about involvement - from Varsity cheerleading, clubs, National Honor Society, Spanish National Honor Society, Student Government, Jesuit Ambassadors, Green Club, Diversity Club, and of course over 200 hours of volunteering. Did I ever take the time to breathe? No, I didn't. 

My freshman year at UW - I decided to change. Granted, my grades suffered quite a bit as I learned to juggle between school, sorority and my discovery of the college social scene (so fratastic). By the time sophomore year rolled around, I was on track again. Grades were a lot better, I was on the Executive Committee of my chapter serving as Recruitment Vice President, found a great group of friends/sisters and still had time to enjoy myself. Also, I began to involve myself outside of the chapter with on-campus clubs and discovered my innate passion and strengths in public relations - what I'm currently pursuing upon graduation.

Now, I am about to finish my winter quarter of junior year. What do I have to say for myself? Am I ready to leave UW - move on to the real world - let go of my sorority - be an adult? 

Well, my answer would be "yes" to all of the above. One thing I will say, is that during both my high school and college years, not once did I mention anything about love. That foufy noun/verb that many people cringe because they try to avoid it  - either due to their own weird relationship with their significant other or they are fearful of commitment. 

Personally, I just never made time for it. It was strange seeing my friends develop these boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in high school, when I was constantly thinking of other things such as projects, leaving high school and college. 

I will admit that I had a "thing" if you could call a three months of  - a guy following you around, trying to hold your hand in the hallway, sitting next to you at lunch, and calling you constantly  - a relationship. I beg to differ and would rather call it either puppy love or "being stalked."

These past three years, I have watched my friends get into relationships (some even their very first quarter of freshman year), break-up, get engaged/pinned (fratastic way of expressing love - he loves her more than his house), and/or rekindle the love with their high-school sweetheart. What did I do this time around? Did I learn anything from high school? Apparently, not. Evidence? Still single... a work-a-holic and little stress-ball (as some have nick-named me). Still looking into the future? As always... I'm a big-picture kinda girl. Detail-oriented, aggressive, type-a personality. It'll take Mr. Better than Average to handle me. 

According to a good friend, Elyssa: "You're intimidating, Amanda... you kind of have a 6 foot personality in a 5 foot body."

Thanks girl... I take that as a real compliment... but the intimidating part? I beg to differ.. I'd like to think I'm approachable. 

The next question is probably what did I do wrong? Well, if I knew then I would not be thinking about it right now, would I? IDK - the answer isn't right in front of me or anything. I will admit though. I have had my fair share of heart-breaks. Plenty of them too. I guess, I sorta fall head over heels a little too quickly because I just want things to work. Throughout my time at UW, I've had my heart broken two times. The first was just not meant to be.. it wasn't the right time. He was a bit older, needed to do a little soul-searching, and I had all my plans set out. Just wasn't a match. The second... well, that's a mystery I'll probably never figure out. The border of friend zone is an unfortunate area. Same interests, we know each other's quirks, get the other's jokes (even when they're not funny), and are able to have comfortable silence. But like all of the romantic comedies in Hollywood, He's just so difficult to read... For now, I'll just take the advice from "He's Just Not that Into You." 

As much as some people believe that I'm a hard-ass, a little demanding, and at times a control-freak.. inside, I'm a little maiden in distress waiting for her knight in shining armor.  

To answer John Mayer's question.. 

Who do I love? 

Am I looking for love or just the thought of it? 

_________________________

For now, I don't think a long-term relationship would be best. With an imminent graduation, internship in Atlanta this summer, and the possibility of re-locating after fall quarter... any sort of tie to Seattle would just complicate things and hurt both parties. So, I don't really know if I have an answer. I have a name in mind, but if I were to be smart, level-headed and to think carefully... I would have to stick with KFB's bullet no. 3. I might not be willing to give up my goals for his. 

With that being said, I'll just leave that line blank for now. Maybe before I graduate, I'll find an appropriate answer.

Til then, I'm keeping my heart guarded. 

Until I am able to feel completely vulnerable again,
have some certainty that it's real,
and feel that way about him 

then I'll offer up the key. 

"I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)" - John Mayer