"I came into this world for judgement so that those who do not see might see." (Jn 9:1-41)

photo courtesy of Putnam
St. Joseph Parish
Seattle, WA

"Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the Lord looks into the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7

A bit cold today, but nevertheless, it was still a beautiful Sunday morning. Woke up at 7:00 am, got ready, placed my Bible in the Longchamp and skidaddled on to Montlake -- heading West. Eight minutes later I found myself in front of St. Joseph Parish, and it was a beauty. Standing on the steps in awe, I took it all in -- the stained glass windows, gothic architecture, the gold cross at the top - shining in all of its glory amidst the grey skies. I was overwhelmed with love, hope, and peace.

This was it - this was what I was waiting for... so why was I scared? I think I was a bit shy... maybe timid and unsure of God's calling? My heart was beating ever so quickly, as I opened the heavy doors and peeked inside.

Remember, my "wake up" moment? Well, this was the next step in my faith journey: find a place of solitude and reverence where I felt truly comfortable and at peace with -- so today, I tried St. Joseph's (recommended by Fr. Pat) 

And oh boy, am I sure glad I took Fr. Pat's advice and ventured to this parish... because this church, the atmosphere, the people, the environment -- it's where I truly felt at home and truly comfortable. 

When I first stepped inside the church, there was something about the candlelight, beautiful and traditional setup of the church, family dynamic and uber-high ceilings that just made everything "oh-so-right." 

the stained glass window at the front of the church affixed above the altar
Ad'Majorem Dei Gloriam - "For the Greater Glory of God"

Above is a picture of the stained glass window that I kept starin' at before Mass began this morning.... If you look at the top (sorry it's a bit dark and blurry) it says "Ad'Majorem Dei Gloriam" meaning "For the Greater Glory of God." This was one of those Latin verses that the Jesuits made us students memorize at Jesuit High my freshmen year.... that and Age Quod Agis (Do Well Whatever You Do). 

-- Just a little throwback memory for y'all

After the last verse of the closing song at today's Mass, I really felt at peace and satisfied with how I spent my morning. 


Dear St. Joseph's, you'll be seeing lots and lots more of me in the future -- imma come back to you every Sunday with my Bible and we'll be sharing our love for the good Lord. 

For today's Gospel (according to John), Fr. Whitney S.J. (S.J. means they're a Jesuit priest -- just in case you didn't know) read the story of "The Blind Man," and I was amazed about how that story currently resonated so much with my life and today's discovery of St. Joseph's. The man was born blind and unable to see until he met Jesus. We are reminded to open our hearts and our calling so that we may "see." Through our love for Christ and dedication to our faith, the good Lord will allow us to see all the good there is and help us overcome blindness. We remember this calling through the symbol of our Baptism and the waters which washed away our sin -- thus, in John's Gospel, Jesus says to "Go into the pool of Siloam." 


My response to God's calling:

Yes, Lord, help me to see; the goodness in others - the love in the world -- and most importantly, to see You. 

photo courtesy of We Heart It

I was once blind... and now, after rediscovering my love for Christ and my "wake-up moment," I guess you could say I'm a bit near-sighted. Now for the rest of my life and faith journey -- I'm working on getting to that perfect 20/20 vision and seeing all the good and love God has to offer. 

Back Where I Belong... Never Felt So Strong

St. Benedict's Chapel - Mckenzie Bridge, OR
 (April 2008)

Are you there God? It's me, Amanda. 

Yes, today's lack of creativity resulted in starting this entry like a Judy Blume book. Apologies if you're a bit disappointed. Hopefully, that won't deter you from reading the rest of it because today's entry is unlike my other ones. Instead of writing a simple chick-flick inside scoop to my sorority life or ramblin' on how much I love my Alpha Dees, etc., I'm baring my soul for you (for the first time, maybe not the last too) and documenting my "wake up" moment -- a coming-back to my true self, the old me whom I've lost when I first came to Seattle. 

....

Okay... so, here it goes. 

"Beloved: bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God." 2 Tm 1:8b

That's taken straight from today's 2nd Reading (for those of you church-goers, 5 gold stars to the next person who can summarize the main message of the Gospel reading; *hint: Transfiguration). 

Hardship:

Well, this morning was both joyous and disheartening for many reasons. First, the realization that I was stuck in a whirlwind of confusion and disappointment became quite apparent over my conversation with a dear old friend of mine, Fr. Pat. How did I come to this? Imma set the context for ya.

Since pre-school, I had attended a private, Catholic school: Holy Trinity (Beaverton, OR) for K-3rd, Pope John XXIII (Scottsdale, AZ) during 4th grade, St. Joseph (Vancouver, WA) in 5th-8th grade and finally, Jesuit (Portland, OR) for high school. I went to Mass twice a week, prayed the rosary at least three times a month and participated in confession twice a year. I, being my mother's child, was close (very close) to God. Celebrated all of the sacraments, altar served, and enjoyed every minute of it. Being Catholic was very important in my life - it was my strength and source of hope. When I graduated from Jesuit, it was my wish to continue my devotion and spiritual life. However, to my dismay, college became a distraction, and I strayed away from my faith. 

This mental block/ "absence of God" phase was not ideal, obviously. Shameful to admit, this lack of spiritual fulfillment persisted for the past three years, and it wasn't until a couple days ago, that I realized what it was doing to my life - physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

Strength (fast-forwarding to now): 

It has been a little over three years now (1,095 days to be exact) since I last visited Jesuit High School, and this past Friday (March 18th, 2011) marked my first return since graduation. 

For me, it was the moment I stepped foot into the hallways, ventured through the chapel and celebrated mass with old faculty members and the students that I reached my "wake up" moment. 

That was it - this was what I needed.

My soul had thirst for it -- At that moment, time stood still, and nothing seemed to have changed. Just the people growing older, but that strong sense of community, it endured after all these years. For months, I had yearned for that feeling -agape - love and security - and that's what I felt at Jesuit, especially when I spoke those sacred words during Mass. I wasn't "going through the motions" like any other Mass service ( specifically the ones up in Seattle at the Newman Center - no offense, I just haven't found that feeling there).. The words I spoke - psalms, refrains, creed - it all meant something to me. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy, pure bliss and peace fall over my soul. 

I wanted it to last forever.

there is a light that will overcome the darkness...
 ACE '08 Encounter Love

"Wake Up" Moment:

This morning, I met with Fr. Pat Conroy, a Jesuit priest whom I deeply admire and had the privilege of being his student during my freshman year at Jesuit, for coffee at the Starbucks right next door to my high school. 

Laughing and crying, we chit-chatted about life after Jesuit - college, career paths, relationships and friends. Then, we got to some serious stuff; I discussed my faith journey with him, describing how I truly felt about God and what I was struggling with in my life. I felt like one of the lost sheep that I had read about over and over in Mark's gospels. 

With tears brimming my eyes, I asked him "Am I a bad Catholic?" I half-expected him to reply "Yes," and explain to me the many ways I could repay God for my lack of piety and devotion these past three years. 

Instead, he looked at me, crossed his arms, half-smiled and said "No." "You are not a bad Catholic, Amanda. You're normal and just going through that part in your faith journey where everyone struggles with God." 

The next hour and half, we discussed how much I missed God, the role He played in my life and how to come back home.

In those 90 minutes, I had never felt so uplifted. Just 90 minutes with Fr. Pat,  having an open discussion about God and working through my troubles... that was what I truly needed. Not one homily or service that I had attended since graduation could measure up to this morning's conversation. Because of this morning, I finally feel reconnected again.

More than happy to say, I strongly think believe that I have rediscovered Him in my life. 

It's nice to be back -- it's a good feeling - it's like I'm taking a bit of Jesuit 

and locking it up in my heart forever. 

The title of this entry comes from "Coming Home" by Diddy feat. Skylar Grey

And yes... my soul has finally come home.

Good morning friends...
Happy Sunday.


Rise and shine to a new day of productivity, Starbucks, my "Sunday Jams" playlist and meditation walks through campus.

(Meditation/contemplation runs take place during the week... gotta give 'dem legs a rest on the weekends.)

Productivity -- Guess who has more applications and cover letters to write? Oh wait.. that's me. Why am I always writing them/why do I have so many? It's because I tend to stumble upon them when I'm looking at company profiles and LinkedIn. The more I find... the more I add to my list.

Starbs -- Choice of drink lacks any sort of caffeine today - I settled for a Venti, Caramel Apple Spice without whip cream. It's like Christmas in a cup... all, year-long.

"Sunday Jams Playlist" -- the usual assortment of trance/house consisting of Deadmau5 and Kaskade.... but I also added a little T. Swift and Mumford Sons.. Annie G.'s got me hooked on them.. oh and in honor of Macklemore's tour... I have some of his stuff too.

Today's going to be a marvelous day.... It's a Recruitment Funshop day today for the new RVP (Kashia) and FRC (Elyssa) and I'm so excited for them. It's weird letting go of something that I have spent so much of my time and efforts on, but I know they will do an amazing job. It's hard for me to let go of Recruitment... so it was inevitable that I woke up at 6:30 am to look cute and be ready to help the R-team with their polish checks at 8 am. LOVE LOVE Love them  so much. Can't express enough my excitement and faith in that they will carry on all of the little plans my R-Team had last year. 

Can't wait to see what the rest of the day will be like. It's going to be a good one.

I can feel it...