Monday, April 4, 2011

Starin' out into the world unknown -- questioning:
 what else is there and when is it enough?

Last night, was just one of those nights... Katie B. and Miss AKG heard me vent my frustration, stresses and fears, basically an accumulation of all the "blahs" and ridiculous things my mind fills up with -- one minute I was laughing; then next, I was an ultimate and complete hot mess

So why have I now officially been dubbed the "fountain of tears?" 

Disappointment. stress. frustration. disrespect. rumors. gossip. the fear of graduating early and leaving my beloved sweet Alpha Dees. the fact that I have put all of my effort, time and energy into a chapter and that in one blink of an eye -- my youth and college years will pass by ever so quickly. 

As a result, I have found myself, more than ever, turning to God and taking long runs. I don't want to confront the issues now, so I just keep on running -- thinking that it will all go away for that hour and that when I return, it will solve itself. Not necessarily true though because it will come back  and stare right into your face; then asks you, "Really.... you think you can run and hide? Poor child, don't be so naive." 

"Fear not, I am with you; be not dismayed; I am your God. I will strengthen you, and help you, and uphold you with my right hand of justice... For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:10, 13
Hold my hand, God, and help me find my path... because honestly, in times like these.. I just wanna curl in a ball and hug my little alphie lion and cry into the pillow that my dearest Big Diamond Sis sewed for me. - Hence, the name "fountain of tears" is most appropriate for these past few weeks.

But hey you know what? God gives me hope. So I know that it'll all work out in the end. His plans for you and me... well, it's a bit of a mystery but a good one at the very least. So I shall not be too worried... or at least try not to worry.

For now, Imma try dryin' my tears -- I'm prayin' for a hot sun to evaporate these little puddles and the bags under m' eyes to de-puff. Looking forward to truly livin' these next 9 weeks with my sweet Alpha Dees, spending a fabulous time with my EO sisters in June/July and celebrating my last 10 weeks of fall quarter with the best friends any girl could dream for, and no, Miss AKG I'm not getting mixed up between "best," "close," "just friends" and acquaintances.... these women are the best - and the few that I have grown very close and fond of -- those are the true gems

"Unwinding Cable Car" by Anberlin -- this song takes me back to the April Coed Encounter '07

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